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As a Christian missionary, abroad representing Christ, Rome's poster child, Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu (a.k.a. Mother Teresa) is a terrible disappointment. It turns out Teresa was a remarkable actor. Her public image bore no resemblance whatsoever to the secret life of her inner being.
Below are some quotes taken from her own private letters; and excerpts of her statements from other sources. You be the judge: role model or role player, believer or make-believer?
"Only pray that I keep up this joy exteriorly. I deceive people with this weapon-- even my Sisters."
"When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven, there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives and hurt my very soul. How painful is this unknown pain-- I have no faith."
"I am told God loves me; and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul."
"Now Father-- since 49 or 50 this terrible sense of loss-- this untold darkness-- this loneliness, this continual longing for God-- which gives me pain deep down in my heart-- Darkness is such that I really do not see neither with my mind nor with my reason-- the place of God in my soul is blank-- There is no God in me-- when the pain of longing is so great-- I just long & long for God-- and then it is that I feel-- He does not want me-- He is not there-- God does not want me-- Sometimes-- I just hear my own heart cry out-- "My God" and nothing else comes-- the torture and pain I can't explain"
"My smile is a great cloak that hides a multitude of pains."
"The damned of Hell suffer eternal punishment because they experiment with the loss of God. In my own soul, I feel the terrible pain of this loss. I feel that God does not want me, that God is not God; and that He does not really exist."
"If there be God . . please forgive me."
"Of course I convert. I convert you to be a better Hindu or a better Muslim or a better Protestant. Once you've found God, it's up to you to decide how to worship him" (Mother Teresa Touched Other Faiths, Associated Press, 9/7/97).
"We never try to convert those who receive [aid from Missionaries of Charity] to Christianity but in our work we bear witness to the love of God's presence and if Catholics, Protestants, Buddhists, or agnostics become for this better men-- simply better --we will be satisfied. It matters to the individual what church he belongs to. If that individual thinks and believes that this is the only way to God for her or him, this is the way God comes into their life-- his life. If he does not know any other way and if he has no doubt so that he does not need to search then this is his way to salvation."
The April 7-13, 1990, issue of Radio Times tells the story of Mother Teresa sheltering an old Hindu priest. "She nursed him with her own hands and helped him to die reconciled with his own gods."
FYI: Christian missionaries are not supposed to be helping pagans die reconciled to their own gods. They're supposed to be helping pagans die reconciled to the one true God by means of Christ's crucifixion (John 3:14 18). Nor are they supposed to be converting pagans to become better Hindus or better Muslims. They're supposed to be converting pagans to become better Christians. (Matt 28:18-20)
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