OK, "Other questions include "What's the age of the earth?" (a lot of you will fail that one)
and "Which is right: premillennialism, postmillennialism, or amillennialism?" (Nikos has no hope of getting that one right) (but)
If anyone gets an answer wrong, they are instantly cast into a pit from which there is no return. "It's a bit like that bridge scene at the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail," explained the angel of the Lord. "In fact, it's exactly like that.""
Trouble is, and why's you all in trouble, is (according to an authentic site fact-checked by the Apostle Paul himself) because:
wait for it ...
It has now been confirmed that there is a quiz before anyone is let into Heaven, the first question being, "Are you a Calvinist or an Arminian?"
See, all (or most??) of you guys are in BIG BIG trouble.
What I have not been able to confirm is if you guys overhear the correct answers and then lie and say you're Calvinists, will you be let in? Not only do we have the problem of the lie, but the fact that so many Arminians subconsciously think that they have to specifically confess and repent of each sin individually after it's committed to have it forgiven. (Boy life is so much easier for those of us who have Rom 8:29-30 our Bibles).
This post was published in the spirit of the site it came from, i.e. "is a news satire website that publishes satirical articles on religion, politics, current events, and well-known public figures".
Oh No! The First Question At The Gates Of Heaven Is 'Are You A Calvinist Or An Arminian?' | The Babylon Bee