Thread: Mom Claims Vaccines Caused Her Son's Calvinism

BOZEMAN, MT—Local mother Carrie Darling has been living with her 11-year-old son Ashton's Calvinism for years now, and ever since his diagnosis she has never veered from her firm belief that his adoption of the theological framework was directly caused by the vaccines he received as a small child.

"He wasn't like this until he got those vaccines—after that, things started changing, and he quickly developed a deep conviction of God's sovereignty over the process of salvation," Darling told reporters Wednesday.

"Out of nowhere he started disappearing into his room for hours at a time, poring over old books by dead white guys that he would secretly order on Amazon. It began harmlessly enough, with some Edwards, a little Bunyan, some sporadic bouts of Spurgeon—but we really grew worried when he started debating other first-graders on the doctrine of the two divine wills."

A trip to a local Wesleyan pastor who moonlights as a holistic doctor confirmed the Darling's worst fears: little Ashton was indeed Calvinistic, complete with a desire to give God all the glory for His saving grace.

"Think twice before you get your child vaccinated, especially if you come from an Arminian tradition," the emotional mother said.

















































https://babylonbee.com/news/local-mo...ons-calvinism/

Yeah, that one was pretty obvious once you started reading.

Poor little Darling.

My son is a reformed calvinist... Anyone care to explain that to me?

Originally Posted by wheeze

My son is a reformed calvinist... Anyone care to explain that to me?

Southern United States. Baptist environment.

Originally Posted by Colonel

Southern United States. Baptist environment.

He's getting upset because the Southern Baptists are becoming more charismatic... Ironically he was raised up on the full gospel....

Originally Posted by wheeze

He's getting upset because the Southern Baptists are becoming more charismatic... Ironically he was raised up on the full gospel....

So what does he think of what you are doing ?

Originally Posted by Colonel

So what does he think of what you are doing ?

He just stares at me....

Originally Posted by wheeze

He just stares at me....

Does that mean that he disbelieves all the healings that take place ?

Originally Posted by wheeze

My son is a reformed calvinist... Anyone care to explain that to me?

"reformed" and "calvinist" are pretty much synonymous.. there are differences and some subgroups though.

It comes to a basic difference in how we view the sovereignty of God.

Reformed folks are monergistic instead of synergistic.

there are other differences, but that's the main one.