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Thread: My brother's funeral and my Christian heritage.

  1. #1

    My brother's funeral and my Christian heritage.

    We buried our brother on Friday. Preparing for and conducting his funeral was a lot different from doing one for a stranger but God had worked me up to it. And as well God had trained me in being able to provide a service the person wants, not what I think should be done.

    See big brother was an atheist as is little brother but our sister has gone quite religious after Mum passed away four months ago so there was a difference in views. However little brother is the executor of the will so his word goes, and anyway he was the one given instructions by big brother.

    So even though some nieces would have liked to sing Amazing Grace, and some would have liked to have knocked on the coffin lid and said “You ain’t an atheist now are you!” we had a graveside service with the coffin arriving and being carried to the grave to the sounds of “Paint It Black” and lowered to the sounds of “Waterloo Sunset”. As he was the fourth generation to be buried in the cemetery (the town they lived in was purpose built 101 years ago and our ancestors came to build/work in the town) we highlighted his ancestors’ graves with balloons. The first of each generation passed away in 1944, then 1978, 1994 and now 2016.

    I knew big brother was an atheist but I didn’t realise that little brother was as well. One of the cousins who came said that she and her husband don’t believe in anything after death either. Which is interesting.

    That (i.e. Dad’s) side of the family came from a very religious widow (my Grandfather was killed in a work accident when Dad was 7) who got two of her three daughters to become RC nuns and a son to become an RC priest. Apparently she was trying to get Dad (and maybe the other sister) in there as well but the local priest warned Dad as to what was going on.

    Both Dad and Mum were involved in RC religious societies for decades. Mum’s dad, like many men (and this seems back the front) wasn’t RC but married one and allowed his daughter (mum) to be brought up one. His brother did the same.

    But my great grandparents on mum’s side were Presbyterian which mum mentioned years ago but I’d forgotten about. It fits in well with what I believe though doesn’t it!

    So to me it’s interesting the ancestral line, the time of my birth, my immediate family, my culture, my social environment, my personal relationships (or in my case lack thereof), my education, my decisions (good and bad) and all my other life experiences that God has put in place to develop me to the person I am now and who I’ll be when I pass on.

    God could have just made me like I’ll be when I die, with the appearance of age and experience and learning etc. but that would be making robots.

    Instead God (having decided he wanted me as part of His eternal kingdom – and Colonel and fuego and both VWs and Femme* etc. – and not just “a” Colonel or even someone “like” fuego, but the specific victoryword who’s with us today) created an environment in which we would exist and be moulded into what the potter wanted us to be. And because that environment has sin in it, at the appropriate time in our lives He saved us being willing to pay the necessary price, the death of His Only Begotten Son on the Cross at Calvary.

    To God be the glory.

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  3. #2
    Senior Member Cardinal TT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunFromOz View Post
    we had a graveside service with the coffin arriving and being carried to the grave to the sounds of “Paint It Black” ...
    Sad


    Did they allow you to pray or do anything christian?

  4. #3
    * Toxic Troll - Negative Nancy Farm Truck's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear your brother died.

    If everyone knew he was an atheist, and some of his atheist friends were there... seems like that would be a good time to get in a word for the Lord which is what a lot of ministers do at funerals.

    Sometimes when folks are standing around thinkin about death... that may be the best time to speak about the opportunity of Salvation thru Jesus.

    Some folk may get mad, but the Lord would treasure the opportunity to influence those that are willing.

  5. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Cardinal TT View Post
    Sad

    Did they allow you to pray or do anything christian?
    No

  6. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Farm Truck View Post
    Sorry to hear your brother died.

    If everyone knew he was an atheist, and some of his atheist friends were there... seems like that would be a good time to get in a word for the Lord which is what a lot of ministers do at funerals.
    I've known Christian celebrants to "quote from ancient writings", and Amazing Grace and The Lord's Prayer are quiet common at non-religious funerals.

    But I was not only there as the celebrant but as a brother, but not the executor of the estate who has the legal authority to say what goes on and would have been happy just to lower the coffin and walk away, no words being said.

    Most people there would have been RC, our family having worked with Vinnies for decades from Dad to Mum then our brother.

  7. #6
    Senior Member Cardinal TT's Avatar
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    Did your deceased brother specifically ask for no Christian activity at his funeral and tell his brother the executer to make sure there was nothing religious.
    I have never heard of the executer having any say at a funeral.
    The immediate family normally determines what type of service it is with the help of the celebrant.

  8. #7
    So sorry to hear about this. How atheists manage to face death is something I'll never understand.

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    me either.. it never fails to amaze me they can even cope.

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  12. #9
    Senior Member Colonel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bookman View Post
    So sorry to hear about this. How atheists manage to face death is something I'll never understand.
    On Sunday I saw an opera called "War Requiem" at the Norwegian Opera house.

    It was very religious and seemed Catholic in style, but it seemed to end with war having taken its victims and religion only offering a possibility of a hope. The opera started with a long silence and ended with a long silence. During the end silence, the people watching seemed to participate in the silence and it was as if they pronounced Death inconquerable king. I'm sure the atheists thought of that as incurable finality but in reality they were congregating around the spirit of death, which is the spirit of this world and has Satan as its master.

    The Holy Spirit inserted a completely different spirit in the background of that for a few seconds at the end. What the result of that was or will be, I cannot tell you.

  13. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Cardinal TT View Post
    Did your deceased brother specifically ask for no Christian activity at his funeral and tell his brother the executer to make sure there was nothing religious.
    Yes. At mum's funeral in May he was quiet vocal about being an atheist and not believing in any of the RC stuff we did for Mum because she was RC.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cardinal TT View Post
    I have never heard of the executer having any say at a funeral.
    The immediate family normally determines what type of service it is with the help of the celebrant.
    "In Australia, the person with legal authority to make funeral arrangements is the Executor - the person named in the deceased person's will to administer the estate.

    By mutual agreement, this responsibility can passed to the next of kin or a family friend, who in turn can ask a funeral director to make all arrangements.

    If the deceased person has no next of kin, the State takes responsibility." (http://www.yellowpages.com.au/articl...l-arrangements)

    One thing to also know is that any wishes of the deceased, even if written in the will, are non-binding, so a person could say they were to be cremated but the executor (or who he passes authority to) says no, and buries him.

    At one point in his illness things were touch and go and our brother rang us all, but he gave our other brother funeral instructions (which we weren't told the details of till he passes away) knowing that he would carry them out. As we were all raised RC, and as my sister has got more religious since mum died, if she had her way we'd have had a full RC service for him which he specifically didn't want.

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