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Thread: Why's you all in trouble. The First Question At The Gates Of Heaven Is ...

  1. #1

    Why's you all in trouble. The First Question At The Gates Of Heaven Is ...

    OK, "Other questions include "What's the age of the earth?" (a lot of you will fail that one)
    and "Which is right: premillennialism, postmillennialism, or amillennialism?" (Nikos has no hope of getting that one right) (but)
    If anyone gets an answer wrong, they are instantly cast into a pit from which there is no return. "It's a bit like that bridge scene at the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail," explained the angel of the Lord. "In fact, it's exactly like that."
    "

    Trouble is, and why's you all in trouble, is (according to an authentic site fact-checked by the Apostle Paul himself) because:









    wait for it ...









    It has now been confirmed that there is a quiz before anyone is let into Heaven, the first question being, "Are you a Calvinist or an Arminian?"




    See, all (or most??) of you guys are in BIG BIG trouble.

    What I have not been able to confirm is if you guys overhear the correct answers and then lie and say you're Calvinists, will you be let in? Not only do we have the problem of the lie, but the fact that so many Arminians subconsciously think that they have to specifically confess and repent of each sin individually after it's committed to have it forgiven. (Boy life is so much easier for those of us who have Rom 8:29-30 our Bibles).












    This post was published in the spirit of the site it came from, i.e. "is a news satire website that publishes satirical articles on religion, politics, current events, and well-known public figures".

    Oh No! The First Question At The Gates Of Heaven Is 'Are You A Calvinist Or An Arminian?' | The Babylon Bee

  2. #2
    Senior Member diakonos777's Avatar
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    For the Mod's: Sure need a smiley that says "Freaks My Weirdness"

    Cause it would work here; on all counts

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    Senior Member Cardinal TT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by diakonos777 View Post
    For the Mod's: Sure need a smiley that says "Freaks My Weirdness"

    Cause it would work here; on all counts
    Its ok we understand

    FFO is our resident Calvinist who regales us with great gusto the superlatives of Calvinism which sends him into ecstasies of euphoric bliss.

    We in turn respond with

    We believe he was predestined to join this forum and so we extend God's hand of love and fellowship

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    Administrator fuego's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by diakonos777 View Post
    For the Mod's: Sure need a smiley that says "Freaks My Weirdness"

    Cause it would work here; on all counts

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    Frozen Chosen A.J.'s Avatar
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    Excuse my naiveté, but I've always thought the question is:


    Is your name written in the Lamb's Book of Life?


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  10. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by A.J. View Post
    Excuse my naiveté, but I've always thought the question is:


    Is your name written in the Lamb's Book of Life?

    It is, but the article was from the Babylon Bee The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire. and had the disclaimer "This post was published in the spirit of the site it came from, i.e. "is a news satire website that publishes satirical articles on religion, politics, current events, and well-known public figures"."


    Perhaps the first question should be "do you have a sense of humour?".

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    Frozen Chosen A.J.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FunFromOz View Post
    It is, but the article was from the Babylon Bee The Babylon Bee | Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire. and had the disclaimer "This post was published in the spirit of the site it came from, i.e. "is a news satire website that publishes satirical articles on religion, politics, current events, and well-known public figures"."


    Perhaps the first question should be "do you have a sense of humour?".
    I know what the Babylon Bee is.

    And yes, I do.

    When something is funny.

  12. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by A.J. View Post
    I know what the Babylon Bee is.

    And yes, I do.

    When something is funny.
    And to lots of people the idea that we get into heaven via a Q&A session on theology we've argued about for ages "like that bridge scene at the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail" is, to lots, funny.

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