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Thread: Secondary abuse

  1. #21
    Sometimes women consider it abuse when the husband criticizes or neglects her. That happened with my sister. Former brother-in-law was a Christian, had a good job, didn't cheat on her, didn't beat her, didn't drink or do drugs ... she was just unhappy and wanted out.

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by FireBrand View Post
    In a perfect world. People arent transparent because they dont trust. Secondly, because they are hiding things. Hidden sin working alongside of toxic leadership is the reason for most church problems.
    I don't know....I've always been pretty open about who I am. I think a lot of people are like that. It's when we move away from the transparency that we find the hiding spots for our sin. (please don't read this as me saying that I don't sin, but I can't think of a sin in my life that I haven't discussed with at least one person) Maybe it's a female thing? What do the other ladies think about that? Do we share more than men?

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  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jew and Greek View Post
    Sometimes women consider it abuse when the husband criticizes or neglects her. That happened with my sister. Former brother-in-law was a Christian, had a good job, didn't cheat on her, didn't beat her, didn't drink or do drugs ... she was just unhappy and wanted out.
    Was there emotional abuse? Neglect and criticism can both be abusive. Constructive criticism is fine, but when someone is constantly berating you, and putting you down...that's abusive.

  6. #24
    Quote Originally Posted by Lista View Post
    Was there emotional abuse? Neglect and criticism can both be abusive. Constructive criticism is fine, but when someone is constantly berating you, and putting you down...that's abusive.
    The guy hardly ever talked. He was a nuclear physicist. I can't imagine him being abusive, but I can imagine my sister being overly sensitive, and trust me there's room for criticism.

  7. #25
    it's interesting to see the different reactions. It just shows the Church isn't perfect.

    As for personal stories.. my brother was treated terribly by a church (nationally known.. you'd recognize the name/pastor) when, instead of doing a bit of research, they accepted the lies his ex told them. AND, when the it all came out, they completely ignored it. The pastor, who claimed to be a brother and close friend never even apologized.

    Needless to say, they have zero credibility with me and every year when I see their "oh yes, come to our huge event" I just shake my head. I usually manage to not say anything when people go on about how great this guy is. He's not.. then again, God uses broken, sinful people..

    My view, over all, is that people need professional help when their marriage is in trouble. People in churches might want to help, but they don't know how. When it turns out to be a total disaster, and divorce happens, figure out a way to show some grace.. and don't make judgments when you don't know what happened, and btw, it's not your business what happened anyway.

    Bad stuff happens.. we need to love those in those bad places. If they turn out to be emotional vampires, distance yourself.. you can still show love while laying down boundaries.

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  9. #26
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    In a perfect world the pastor would meet with both members, together and separate to try and tease out the real story. That's the problem with emotional abuse, there aren't any bruises or hospital records.

    Like you said Femme, it can go both ways.... Either way, someone is getting hurt.

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