I'm sorry to hear about your parents divorce Colonel.
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this is the sort of thing that Tullian Tchvidjian is going through right now.
it's heartbreaking. The thing I respect is his being willing to be open about how God is dealing with him throughout it.
I can't help but always remember David in these instances. Not only did he engage in adultery, but murder over it. And yet, God called him "a man after my heart".
A pastor who commits adultery should never be allowed back in the pulpit. The ban must be permanent and absolute. If he repents he should be restored to Christian communion but not to Christian leadership.
John.. I don't know the particulars.. and I don't know hearts. I know what TT has said. (which is that she cheated first.. he didn't set out to, but made some missteps.)
Basically, at this point, it doesn't matter. He is broken. He is under restoration. I hope she is too. it's wrenching.