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Thread: What NOT to say to those hurt by the church

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Cardinal TT View Post
    In all seriousness


    The key is to make sure that hurting people are restored with compassion and not blasted with 'CLICHES'. They need to be able to vent in a safe environment and not threatened they will turn into a bitter backslider.

    I have had sheep come to me who have a issue with a pastor I know. I am not there to rebuke them for gossip or slander. My first job is to LISTEN to their pain and then DISCERN how to solve the problem. I am not supposed to threaten them I will tell the pastor your terrible attitude and you better get right with God

    Also don't use meaningless cliches to sound spiritual

    I need to find out what God is saying about the situation. Maybe they are offended because they need to be offended and God used the pastor to deal with them
    Or maybe the pastor is a jerk and said something very hurtful and God wants me to bring healing to their heart.

    I have seen both sides but ultimately what you are trying to achieve is healing and restoration between Christian brothers and sisters.

    I told a youth leader who was bullied by their pastor (who I knew) that if they tried to bully you one more time you will quit because the pastor was threatening to sack them if they didn't 'perform'
    Well he was shocked when this leader took the initiative and said they would quit and he backed right down.

    I also had to publically rebuke a friend of mine who was slandering the church publically because his attitude was rotten.

    My wife was personally vilified in a public setting by a lady in our church and it was demonic. I had to call her and her husband to address why this happened.
    Sadly they didn't want to acknowledge what occurred was wrong and they left
    Pastors and their wives also undergo attacks and many people don't realise the pressures.


    So listen with love, have compassion, don't take sides but discern what is the truth and then apply wisdom to resolve the issues
    Good points TT...

    It's interesting that sometimes the "pat" response to someone expressing hurt is "have you done Matthew 18 yet?" (for those not familiar, here it is: Matt. 18:1517-- “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector")

    Sometimes (many times perhaps) it's good to discuss the issue with a neutral third party to get insight and perspective--and perhaps a little backbone in order to confront..as it has been pointed out, it's rare that the one being confronted is rational or even honest enough to admit any wrongdoing, and the onus is put on the hurt party to mend fences.

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    Cardinal TT (01-07-2016)

  3. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by FaithfulOne View Post
    Good points TT...

    Matt. 18:1517-- "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that 'by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.' 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector"

    Sometimes (many times perhaps) it's good to discuss the issue with a neutral third party to get insight and perspective--and perhaps a little backbone in order to confront..as it has been pointed out, it's rare that the one being confronted is rational or even honest enough to admit any wrongdoing, and the onus is put on the hurt party to mend fences.
    Working in a church, I am amazed at how easily offended people are.. ridiculously so.. and they turn around and offend God with gossip, slander and divisive behavior.. (and did I mention facebook? )

    People hide the whole truth about a given situation because Christians don't get involved, or get dig in to get the truth of a situation..

    In the world there's a little testifying, cross examination, a little confirming with the guilty/innocent party..a little back and forth to get to the truth

    Or in a workplace there might be a meeting to sort things out..

    In the church, things stay hush hush.. and things are done in secret.

    I've seen persons commit crimes and somehow come off as the offended party and draw people away after them.. it leaves me shaking my head in amazement.

    I'd like to see more accountability, more disclosure.. but that probably wouldn't solve anything.

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    FaithfulOne (01-17-2016)

  5. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by Barrie View Post
    Working in a church, I am amazed at how easily offended people are.. ridiculously so.. and they turn around and offend God with gossip, slander and divisive behavior.. (and did I mention facebook? )

    People hide the whole truth about a given situation because Christians don't get involved, or get dig in to get the truth of a situation..

    In the world there's a little testifying, cross examination, a little confirming with the guilty/innocent party..a little back and forth to get to the truth

    Or in a workplace there might be a meeting to sort things out..

    In the church, things stay hush hush.. and things are done in secret.

    I've seen persons commit crimes and somehow come off as the offended party and draw people away after them.. it leaves me shaking my head in amazement.

    I'd like to see more accountability, more disclosure.. but that probably wouldn't solve anything.
    Barrie, That is so true. Pastors and other leadership have to keep everything confidential. So the body does not get to hear their side of things. Sad to say there are some devious people in the pews.

  6. #14
    Frozen Chosen A.J.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CatchyUsername View Post
    I thought this was posted months ago...and we had a very lengthy discussion about it.
    Quote Originally Posted by curly sue View Post
    Might have, it sounds familiar.
    Quote Originally Posted by FaithfulOne View Post
    I had the same thought before I posted it..it might have been me but I'm not sure if it got lost in the shuffle between forum moves..
    It's now part of Charismatic Central, since Woffie installed the old databases, including the year and a bit it was our Faith and Fellowship in 2014-2015.



    edited to remove link

  7. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by A.J. View Post
    It's now part of Charismatic Central, since Woffie installed the old databases, including the year and a bit it was our Faith and Fellowship in 2014-2015.

    edited to remove link
    Yup, figured as much.

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