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Senior Member
Sometimes women consider it abuse when the husband criticizes or neglects her. That happened with my sister. Former brother-in-law was a Christian, had a good job, didn't cheat on her, didn't beat her, didn't drink or do drugs ... she was just unhappy and wanted out.
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Resident Chocolate Monster
Originally Posted by
FireBrand
In a perfect world. People arent transparent because they dont trust. Secondly, because they are hiding things. Hidden sin working alongside of toxic leadership is the reason for most church problems.
I don't know....I've always been pretty open about who I am. I think a lot of people are like that. It's when we move away from the transparency that we find the hiding spots for our sin. (please don't read this as me saying that I don't sin, but I can't think of a sin in my life that I haven't discussed with at least one person) Maybe it's a female thing? What do the other ladies think about that? Do we share more than men?
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Resident Chocolate Monster
Originally Posted by
Jew and Greek
Sometimes women consider it abuse when the husband criticizes or neglects her. That happened with my sister. Former brother-in-law was a Christian, had a good job, didn't cheat on her, didn't beat her, didn't drink or do drugs ... she was just unhappy and wanted out.
Was there emotional abuse? Neglect and criticism can both be abusive. Constructive criticism is fine, but when someone is constantly berating you, and putting you down...that's abusive.
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Senior Member
Originally Posted by
Lista
Was there emotional abuse? Neglect and criticism can both be abusive. Constructive criticism is fine, but when someone is constantly berating you, and putting you down...that's abusive.
The guy hardly ever talked. He was a nuclear physicist. I can't imagine him being abusive, but I can imagine my sister being overly sensitive, and trust me there's room for criticism.
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Super Moderator
it's interesting to see the different reactions. It just shows the Church isn't perfect.
As for personal stories.. my brother was treated terribly by a church (nationally known.. you'd recognize the name/pastor) when, instead of doing a bit of research, they accepted the lies his ex told them. AND, when the it all came out, they completely ignored it. The pastor, who claimed to be a brother and close friend never even apologized.
Needless to say, they have zero credibility with me and every year when I see their "oh yes, come to our huge event" I just shake my head. I usually manage to not say anything when people go on about how great this guy is. He's not.. then again, God uses broken, sinful people..
My view, over all, is that people need professional help when their marriage is in trouble. People in churches might want to help, but they don't know how. When it turns out to be a total disaster, and divorce happens, figure out a way to show some grace.. and don't make judgments when you don't know what happened, and btw, it's not your business what happened anyway.
Bad stuff happens.. we need to love those in those bad places. If they turn out to be emotional vampires, distance yourself.. you can still show love while laying down boundaries.
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Resident Chocolate Monster
In a perfect world the pastor would meet with both members, together and separate to try and tease out the real story. That's the problem with emotional abuse, there aren't any bruises or hospital records.
Like you said Femme, it can go both ways.... Either way, someone is getting hurt.
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