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Thread: "Forced" hugs and affection with children

  1. #1

    "Forced" hugs and affection with children

    I've read a couple of articles this past week on children being somewhat 'forced' to show affection to adult relatives like grandparents, uncles, etc. The well-meaning parents/caregivers may say they are only teaching their children how to show affection, but is it also perhaps blurring the lines between affection and boundaries?

    Probably many parents do teach boundaries within the scope of areas on the body that are 'off limits' to others, but is it ok to teach children that they don't have to hug or be held by adult relatives or others if they don't want to?

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  3. #2
    I think it depends on the child and the reason they don't want to show affection. I think if they've been shown affection by their parents, they'll find giving affection to others is natural. But if they don't receive affection, they'll be more hesitant to show it to others. Mostly, I would honor the child's decision and hope they become more affectionate when older. I have a vivid memory at age six when I was asked by my parents to kiss the neighbor girl as she was leaving. I refused. I didn't tell my parents why, but the reason was I had this crazy notion that meant I'd have to marry her. Too, some children may sense danger from an adult who has ulterior motives. So I say, don't force the child, but create a climate in the home that makes giving affection a natural act.

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  5. #3
    Senior Member Cardinal TT's Avatar
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    Always had to kiss my grandparents when we met and left them

    Still kiss my aunties and greet my uncles

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  7. #4
    I would never force a child to kiss and or hug anyone. That would include simple coercion. I once heard a grandma say to a toddler she was holding, "Give me a kiss and I'll let you down!". It was all I could do not to go off on her.

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    Senior Member Cardinal TT's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by curly sue View Post
    I would never force a child to kiss and or hug anyone. That would include simple coercion. I once heard a grandma say to a toddler she was holding, "Give me a kiss and I'll let you down!". It was all I could do not to go off on her.
    There has to be some balance as parents coerce their children

    I had decent relatives but I can understand some children not wanting to hug relatives and being pressured especially if hidden abuse is happening

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  11. #6
    It's kinda sad that we live in a world where you have to be aware of such things, but it's best to be careful.

    I'm like Bookie, I wouldn't force a child to do anything he/she didn't feel uncomfortable with, but would teach/model appropriate hugs (as in "sidehugs") as well as to not let anyone touch them inappropriately (not limited to private areas)

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