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Thread: No sex before marriage=great sex afterward?

  1. #1

    No sex before marriage=great sex afterward?

    Ok, now that I have your attention...

    Waiting for Marriage Doesn't Mean You'll Have a Great Sex Life


    A couple I knew had been dating for two years and remained abstinent until their wedding night. This inadvertently cause them to enter the process of being sexually intimate with baggage.

    Up until this moment, they'd been told how shameful and dangerous sex would be to their relationship, and now they were supposed to see it as good and purposeful blessing. They didn't even know where to begin unpacking and unlearning all that they'd come to believe.

    There were things to work through and wounds from their past that needed to be healed. Like many others caught in this predicament, they didn't know where to start.

    It might sound crazy to you, but these are some of the things you don't get to hear from the outside looking in: Men and women who save themselves for marriage, but then struggle to enjoy all that they have saved.

    Somewhere along the way, there's a misconception that if we save ourselves for marriage, our wedding night will be filled with hours and hours of amazing hot sex. We imagine all the stars aligning in that perfect moment, our bodies naturally taking over, knowing exactly just what to do.

    And then the moment comes, and it's never exactly how we thought it would be. Though maybe not as extreme as the couple I mentioned above, I hear from so many couples whose wedding night was filled with frustration, fears, and the shedding of a few tears.

    Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life...bQuF0j1drUI.99

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  3. #2
    Straightforward pre-marital counseling might prevent a lot of frustrations. All in all, it is still better to wait until after marriage.
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  5. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by victoryword View Post
    Straightforward pre-marital counseling might prevent a lot of frustrations. All in all, it is still better to wait until after marriage.
    I never fully got on board with the whole "I kissed dating goodbye" message...not because I disagreed with it per se, but to me much of it was unrealistic.

    You gotta get to know a person...and you can do that without sex. If marriage is God's plan for a couple (especially a Christian couple) then the straightforward pre-marital counseling is vital, as well as "keeping maintenance" up after marriage.

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  7. #4
    Senior Member Colonel's Avatar
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    Purity of conduct does not necessarily imply purity of heart. Sex is one of the biggest idol known to mankind. People expect sex to satisfy their souls in a way that it cannot. If they have to wait for it then the expection may end up growing the idol in their hearts. Sometimes what religious people do with the idols of their hearts is to bury them and instead of indulging in the idol along with the act that the idol is tied to they keep the idol buried and the act becomes dysfunctional along with that state of their hearts. They think that their internal repression makes them pure but it merely makes them dysfunctional. Still it may be better than just embracing the internal idol in the act.
    In our porn fixated age, what people perhaps need the most is to focus on a living relation to their spouse as an other person instead of to sex and sex acts. That is where the Holy Spirit is able to fill their hearts, including with a love that is divine instead of merely carnal and sensual. Though I am not married myself, I say this as someone who has seen the glory of God with my own eyes, a few times in depths that are unspeakable.

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  9. #5
    Frozen Chosen A.J.'s Avatar
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    This isn't new... I read about it years ago... but premarital counseling still hasn't caught up to the conundrum, apparently.

    I encouraged my kids to abstain from sex before marriage but not because it was shameful or harmful, but because God says not to and because premarital sex causes "one flesh union soul ties" that then need to be broken and dealt with in the spiritual realm. (I guess that's harmful as it does affect your future.) 2 did, 1 didn't.

    1 is still celibate and I haven't asked our daughter how her sex life is... The third child has been living with his GF for 7 years and I definitely don't want to hear about it.


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    Quote Originally Posted by FaithfulOne View Post
    Somewhere along the way, there’s a misconception that if we save ourselves for marriage, our wedding night will be filled with hours and hours of amazing hot sex. We imagine all the stars aligning in that perfect moment, our bodies naturally taking over, knowing exactly just what to do.
    I've never seemed that people thought that. I thought everyone was doing it because it's a sin to have sex when you're not married. Not that it necessary led to a great night of sex the first time. I'm not sure how many actually had 'great sex' the first time they had it even if they weren't married, if both had never had it. Probably about 1%.

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  13. #7
    Senior Member Colonel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fuego View Post
    I've never seemed that people thought that. I thought everyone was doing it because it's a sin to have sex when you're not married. Not that it necessary led to a great night of sex the first time. I'm not sure how many actually had 'great sex' the first time they had it even if they weren't married, if both had never had it. Probably about 1%.
    Makes one wonder if people think that one should be an expert on everything including that before getting married. That's what a lot of people here in Norway think marriage is, a celebration of the fact that people have stuck together for a while, have sorted things out (including that part ?) and are likely to stay together for a long while.

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    Senior Member Valiant Woman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by A.J. View Post

    The third child has been living with his GF for 7 years and I definitely don't want to hear about it.

    Oh, oh! I read that "Seven years" is the time frame that live-in relationships begin to experience serious challenges and crumble.
    When your praise match your prayers, the answer will come.
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    Frozen Chosen A.J.'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Valiant Woman View Post
    Oh, oh! I read that "Seven years" is the time frame that live-in relationships begin to experience serious challenges and crumble.
    That would be fine with me. She's a horrible person. At one point, she wasn't even allowed on our property.

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    Resident Chocolate Monster Lista's Avatar
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    I'm sure it works both ways. I know I've done both (please....don't suck all the oxygen off the internet, knowing that I had pre-marital sex) Sex can be wonderful, or horrible. (Please understand that I'm NOT condoning pre-marital sex...I do believe it creates soul ties, and it's not God's best) All I'm saying is that, whether you choose to abstain, or participate before marriage, you have to remember that after you get married, you have to be ready to communicate with your spouse and realize that God made us the way we are...sexual beings, that enjoy sex.

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